Introducing THE PAINBOW (Contusion Edition)—for the handlers and decoys who don’t need a wellness check, they need an updated bruise chart. The arch is five hard-edged shades of “who hit who,” complete with a legend that timestamps the life cycle of your poor choices: Fresh, 24h, 48h, 72h. A Malinois launches for the bite suit while you reconsider every friendship that led to this hobby. It’s cheerful like a rainbow, if your pot of gold is an ice pack, vet wrap, and a supervisor asking why you walk like a Jenga tower in an earthquake.

This is the hoodie you throw on when you’re chasing the end of the Painbow and the end keeps chasing back. It’s dark, it’s honest, and it pairs beautifully with Advil and plausible deniability. Wear it to training, wear it to urgent care, wear it when someone asks, “What happened to your arm?” and you just point to the color swatches like a sommelier of contusions.

• 50% pre-shrunk cotton, 50% polyester
Heather Sport Dark Navy is 40% cotton, 60% polyester
• Fabric weight: 8.0 oz/yd² (271.25 g/m²)
• Air-jet spun yarn with a soft feel and reduced pilling
• Double-lined hood with matching drawcord
• Quarter-turned body to avoid crease down the middle
• 1 × 1 athletic rib-knit cuffs and waistband with spandex
• Front pouch pocket
• Double-needle stitched collar, shoulders, armholes, cuffs, and hem

Disclaimer: Due to the fabric properties, the White color variant may appear off-white rather than bright white.