Finally, a shirt that captures the soul-crushing truth of every working dog handler’s life: your Malinois doesn’t love you — it just loves the squeaky device. PTSD: Please Throw the Squeaky Device is more than a motto; it’s a lifestyle of shredded furniture, bleeding fingers, and the eternal thousand-yard stare of a dog that thinks you’re too slow to survive combat, let alone fetch.

The 100% cotton unisex classic tee will help you land a more structured look — which is good, because your home, your sanity, and your last relationship sure as hell didn’t survive the dog. It sits nicely, maintains sharp lines around the edges, and goes perfectly with layered streetwear outfits or layered trauma you’ll never unpack. Plus, it’s extra trendy now, so at least when you’re explaining to a therapist why your dog has more confirmed kills than you, you’ll look good doing it.

Details:
• 100% cotton (unlike your nerves)
• Sport Grey is 90% cotton, 10% polyester
• Ash Grey is 99% cotton, 1% polyester
• Heather colors are 50% cotton, 50% polyester
• Fabric weight: 5.0–5.3 oz/yd² (because therapy is heavy too)
• Open-end yarn
• Tubular fabric
• Taped neck and shoulders
• Double seam at sleeves and bottom hem (holds up better than your last deployment contract)

Disclaimers:
• White color variant may appear off-white — like your dog’s teeth before they sink into your arm.
• Dark speckles expected in Natural — just like the dark speckles in your soul.
• Fetch responsibly. Missing fingers not covered under warranty.